


i have more dads than you ever will but Go Off I Guess

by whatsanaccounttoagod



Series: catching up [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Also Half The Relationships I Tagged Are Maybe Mentioned Once, Bruce Banner Is Peter Parker's Dad, Don't Give The Children Alcohol, How Do I Tag, I Keep Giving Peter Dads, M/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Wow I Really Went There, i will never stop, or implied - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 12:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16449791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsanaccounttoagod/pseuds/whatsanaccounttoagod
Summary: May dies.Good thing Peter has a CEO, billionaire, colonel, scientist, and big green rage monster to take care of him.





	i have more dads than you ever will but Go Off I Guess

**Author's Note:**

> ok sooo im Thirsty For Attention and thats part of why im writing this in a series but also i didnt feel like writing an actual transition scene between the last one and this one soooo
> 
> you kind of need to read my dad's a sobbing green rage monster to Get It but if you dont want to the big points are  
> -bruce banner is richard parker except he was told to not be richard parker anymore after the plane crash  
> -bruce meets peter because of tony  
> -he ends up joining tony in the I Love Exactly One (1) Tiny Spider Boy club  
> -peter finds out bruce is actually his literal father  
> -he needs some Time to Process but it ends up ok because peter is a sweetheart

He could've stopped it.

Spider-Man saw the way the taxi ran that red light. He saw the familiar car swerve to avoid it. He should've done something.

Instead, he watched in horror as the taxi slammed into the driver's side of his aunt's vehicle.

"May!"

He should've done something. He could've tried to web the car out of the way. He could've tried to slow the taxi down. He could've thrown himself in between them as a cushion.

Instead, he did nothing, and he  _ dared _ to call for her. As if he deserved a response.

He was a horrible kid. He put her through hell going out every night and not being able to promise he'd come back alive. He ate her out of her money any time he was home. He couldn't even make it to school on time half the time. He  _ needed _ to be better.

But it was too late.

He should've done something.

* * *

 

Peter hadn't left his room in days.

Both Bruce and Tony had spent all of those days holed up in Tony's lab-slash-garage, working on anything they could to keep their minds off the tragedy that had befallen the kid's aunt.

Bruce felt the loss, too. That was his sister-in-law, for crying out loud. The family had always been extremely close, and losing contact with them had been harder than Bruce would let on.

He'd shown up at Ben's funeral, though he was careful to make sure nobody recognized him.

It didn't matter. The only people who showed up were too distressed to notice.

"Bruce? You okay?" Tony glanced over and made eye contact with the distressed doctor.

He hoped May's funeral would be better.

"I'm fine." His voice cracked, and he turned away.

Tony hadn't shed a tear through all of this, and he'd  _ been _ there for Peter. Bruce had ditched the kid on an order.

_ I have no right to cry. _

The Other Guy didn't say a word.

* * *

 

_ Talk. _

Bruce ran into Peter when he went upstairs to grab a couple coffees and a few bites of food. Someone had to take care of Tony. Pepper wasn't around, and he certainly wasn't about to take care of himself.

_ Talk. _ The order rang through his head once more.

_ I can't. Not now. He doesn't want to talk to me. _

"Hey," he growled unwillingly before shoving a hand over his mouth.

Peter spun around, startled.

"I'm sorry, I-" Bruce cleared his throat. "How are you?"

_ Don't do that. _

The Other Guy went silent again.

"Fine," Peter said. "You?"

"Fine."

"Oh, come on, we all know that's bullshit."

Both of them spun around to face a stumbling, sleep-deprived billionaire.

Bruce just passed him a coffee.

"Peter, you locked yourself in your room for, what, a week? Week and a half? Have you  _ eaten? _ " Tony turned to Bruce. "Brucie, you've spent the past two days crying. I'm not dumb."

"Never thought you were, Tony."

"Nope! The adult is talking!"

"I'm older than you."

"Shhhhhut up and let me monologue." Tony stepped closer, absolutely reeking of alcohol. How did he drink so much in a few short minutes? "You've spent the past two days crying into your- what the fuck are they called? Tube thingies. You've spent the past two days crying into your tube thingies and avoiding me at all costs. Have  _ you _ eaten? Or drank? Or done anything? We're gonna kill ourselves if Pepper doesn't get to us first."

"How are you even aware of time?"

"I asked." He took a sip of coffee before setting it down and heading straight for the bar. "We're messes. Let's at least be messes together."

"Only if you share some of that scotch," Peter joked, smiling weakly.

Both adults shut down that idea.

* * *

 

The sun blazed down on the mourners at her grave.

It felt wrong for such nice weather to be at such a dreary occasion. Well, maybe "nice" was an exaggeration. It was far too hot to be wearing any sort of formal attire, but that's summer for you.

The sun blazed down as they sprinkled her ashes in the gravehole.

It blazed down as they made their way through the open field away from the burial site.

It blazed down as Peter consoled his fathers.

It blazed down relentlessly.

May always said the sun was hottest when the angels were proud of you.

Peter never really had any faith in a higher power, but he clung to the notion.

The sun blazed down.

* * *

 

"Are we legally allowed to adopt him together if I'm engaged to Pepper?" Tony asked.

Bruce froze. "Aren't you literally married to Rhodes?"

"Shh. Nobody knows about that." The billionaire chucked a gauntlet at the wall, grinning when it landed unscathed. "Do you think Pepper would care if you and I got married  _ just _ to co-adopt the kid?"

"She's put up with you for this long. Do you really think getting  _ another _ husband would chase her away?"

"It's not like we're gay or anything."

"Yeah, it's not like we put the 'pan' in 'panic.'"

"Just two bros chillin' in a hot tub." He retrieved the gauntlet and inspected the inside. Apparently satisfied with his work, he put it down and turned to the doctor. "But for real. Which one of us is adopting him? Are we both adopting him? I'd love it if we could both adopt him."

* * *

 

"Need anything before school starts?" Bruce poked his head in.

"A shot of whatever Thor drinks."

He entered, noting the empty bottles near the door. "Peter, no."

"It's not like I can get drunk!" Peter defended.

"You shouldn't've tried."

He groaned. "I don't want to feel anymore."

"Peter." Bruce flopped down on the bed next to his kid. "I don't think you want that."

"But feeling hurts."

"I know, kid. But you'll want to feel for this. I swear."

Peter perked up a bit. "For what?"

"Who do you want to adopt you, Tony or me?"

He deflated. "You can't make me pick."

"The only difference it makes is who's on the certificate, buddy."

"Why not both?"

"Because then Tony and I have to secretly get married, and then we have to be not so secretly married, and then Pepper's gonna have both our heads because she's literally his fiance and she has every right to murder us both."

"I wish polyamorous marriages were legal."

"Me, too." Bruce sat up. "So, who's it gonna be?"

Judging from Peter's face, he was silently debating which parent it would be more okay to hurt. "I love you, Dad. Don't get me wrong. But you're literally a former refugee. It might be a bit safer for Mr. Stark's name to be on the paperwork."

Bruce smiled gently. "Sounds good, Pete. Do you want to tell Tony?"

"I honestly just want to sleep." Peter's stomach growled. "And maybe eat."

"How about we all have lunch together and we can talk about it together? You don't have to be the one to tell him if you don't want to."

He rolled out of bed and shuffled to the door.

"I'll take that as a 'sure.'"

* * *

 

Flash didn't pick on Peter as much anymore, and never when someone (read: Bruce Banner) could see.

That didn't stop the taunts from becoming more vicious.

"How's your aunt, Peter?" Flash asked sassily. "Oh, wait, she's dead."

Peter kept walking.

"Isn't it funny how everyone who was legally obligated to take care of you wanted to get away so badly they died?"

Yeah, it's not like Peter blames himself for his relatives' deaths every day or anything.

"And now you're all alone. Nobody wants you."

He spun around and spat, "Bullshit."

Flash didn't back away, but his posture became much more hesitant, like that of a startled criminal prepared to run if Spider-Man came after them.

"I have more  _ living _ parents now than you ever will, but go off, I guess," the smaller boy continued.

The onlookers went silent.

Peter prepared to turn away, but decided to get one last jab in. "Besides, my parents  _ chose _ me. Can yours say the same?"

The crowd cheered as he walked away.

* * *

 

_ "Nobody wants you." _

* * *

 

"Miss Potts has instructed me not to let you in the lab today, Peter," FRIDAY announced as he pressed the button for the lab floor.

"Why not?"

She hesitated. "She says it's simply a bad time."

"Okay."  _ So Dad locked himself in the lab, got drunk off his ass, and is probably having an emotional breakdown. Great. Fantastic. _ Peter attached his laptop to the magnetic ceiling-desk (a combined effort from his science dads because he "spent enough time up there to warrant it") and threw himself into homework.

He should be down there, helping Dad calm down.

By the time Colonel Rhodes knocked, it was already well past midnight.

"Pete, we have a situation in the lab," Rhodey stated once the spiderling opened the door.

"Pepper doesn't want me in there right now," Peter said.

"That was earlier. We're having family bonding time now."

He groaned good-naturedly and followed Dad #3 to the lab. (Not that he was the third favorite dad or anything. Peter just knew Tony and Bruce better.)

Tony shook where he curled up in Bruce's arms. At their entry, he glanced from the shaking billionaire to the new occupants with unfocused eyes.

Peter bit back a snarky comment and joined the cuddle pile. God, they all reeked of alcohol. "What's wrong?"

Tony shifted so he could see the spiderling. "Pe'r?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

The drunk mechanic grinned. "Y'know I love ya, right? Like, yer one of the five best things that's happened to me."

"I love you too, Dad." Peter paused. "What are the others?"

"In no particular order? Rhodey, Pepper, the Avengers, and being kidnapped by a terrorist organization hired by my father figure to kill me."

"That last one sounds kind of bad, actually." He grinned despite the somber mood. "Why do you think it's one of the best?"

"'Cause without it, I wouldn't've had any of the other four things."

Bruce wrapped his arms around both of the people currently snuggled up against him. "You're a coupl'a ol' saps."

"Love you too, Brucie Bear."

"Tony Twink."

"I'm not gay."

"Tell that to your husband," Rhodey muttered.

None of them could quite keep their laughter in check.

* * *

 

"Wait, you have a husband?"

"...Shit. Peter, I swear that wasn't how you were supposed to find out."

* * *

 

Peter giggled at Ned's joke. It wasn't that funny, but… Ned made the joke. That made it perfect.  _Ned_ was perfect.

_ "Nobody wants you." _

His laughter faded.

"You okay, Peter?" Ned passed him another bag of chips.

"Yeah," he squeaked before awkwardly dumping the bag in his mouth. "Jus' fi'e."

* * *

 

"Daaaad-" Peter scanned the room. "-s."

"Peterrrr," all three of his dads responded.

"I have a problem."

All three men immediately went full on Dad Mode.

"Is it that Flash kid again?"

"Who stabbed you this time?"

"What did you blow up?"

Peter internally chuckled at their immediate panic. "I have no idea how to talk to people."

His dads froze.

"Peter, you could get Ross to rescind the Accords with a smile and a 'please,'" Tony declared. "You absolutely know how to talk to people."

"Let me rephrase that: I have no idea how to talk to people I like."

"Ohhh," everyone sighed in sync.

"Why are you all like this? It's actually a bit creepy."

"I-

"We just-

"Tony-"

"It doesn't matter," Colonel Rhodes decided. "So, who are they?"

Peter blushed. "Ned."

"The guy who hacked the multimillion dollar suit I gave you?" Tony asked.

"Wait, that was-!"

"Pocket change, kiddo," he assured. "So, you like him, huh?"

"Yeah."

Bruce grinned and held out a hand. Tony pulled out his wallet and handed him a note.

"You guys had  _ bets _ on me?"

"They did," Rhodey clarified. "I had absolutely no part of it."

"You know what? I'm not surprised."

"So, you're having boy troubles?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah. I mean, I can talk to Ned like we're friends, but sometimes, he flirts with me as a joke I think, and then I try to flirt back except I'm all flustered and can't get a word out, and then he calls me cute and I internally scream. And he's so damn cute all the time. Like, the way he taps his fingers when he's thinking and rambles probably more than I do. He used to share his food, sometimes, too, when I didn't have money for lunch. He's so sweet and cute and how could I  _ not _ have a crush on him?"

Both scientists in the room immediately blushed and avoided looking at each other. Rhodey grinned knowingly.

"Is there something I'm not aware of?" Peter asked.

"NOPE!" Tony yelled. "Absolutely not."

Rhodey laughed. "Congratulations, you two gay nerds. You have officially passed on your gay nerdiness to our son. How do you feel?"

"He's actually Bruce's."

"He's legally  _ yours _ ."

"I'm hurt, Dads. Really."

"Do your homework, Pete. I'll give you love advice after dinner."

"What, don't trust us to give good love advice, Rhodey?"

"Your love advice is 'confess your love while drunk in a basement at 2 AM trying to avoid your impending panic attack.' That's not what Peter needs."

"Hey, Pepper found out on a roof when we were all being attacked by drones."

"As I said, not what Peter needs."

"You're no fun."

"Love you too, Tones."

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry bujt i love everhyone decidign epter is their son and i will nver stop writng it
> 
> funny story, i cant for the life of me remember what those little tube things you use in chemistry are. i didnt take chem in high school i have no idea what is going on with chemistry
> 
> also while writing this i was simultaneously writing a dumb gay fic with peter's dumb nerd dads im so sorry that is coming now


End file.
